Escape From New York (That’ll be an extra $5000, thank you.)

3 moving tips you need to survive moving.

They trace the night. Lines of 18 wheelers, interstate whine, neon pit stops. In the back of one these articulated behemoths are my t-shirts. And graphic novel collection. And my opera vinyl. My stuff.

We decide to go to Chicago for a year. Post-pandemic urge. We haven’t been off Manhattan since the 19th century. Feels that way. Need a different perspective. Lake time. Hot dogs. Somebody calls Chicago ‘Brola’ – Brooklyn/LA. Sounds like a cool combo to us.

Then I enter the dark lanes of interstate commerce.

We have too much stuff. Doesn’t everybody? You never realize how much stuff you have until you ask a mover for an estimate. That’s when your life is measured in cubic feet. You feel judged. Keep at it and you’ll feel scammed.

I click on a Facebooks ad for an interstate mover. Within seconds I get a call. Then another. An avalanche of texts. My ear fills with a cacophony of caffeine and hyped-up promises. None of it is real. Not a single cubic foot of it.

White glove service is a thing. They all have that. They’re your buddies. In the background, I hear phones ringing, people shouting. I’m talking about my life here. My phone is blowing up with…